It's Sunday morning, April 1st and I'm just realizing this is the anniversary of Dad's death. 10 years ago. Wow, hard to believe. Perhaps it's not a coincidence that I'm feeling very reflective this weekend. In particular with Michael. He's 18 and finishing high school. I feel distant with him. Like I'm not connecting and that I've lost him. There is so much that I question about what I haven't done for him or done in error. What makes it more difficult is he doesn't communicate...at least in ways that I pick up or understand.
Granted, Michael is pretty done with high school. He's bored (has been for sometime) and I think he's done with living at home. At least for now. He needs to be on his own. To make his own decisions. Perhaps he'll get some perspective. He can't get that now being at home. Mom won't give him the space to fail and I'm too easy a target for him.
I love him. He's an amazing person. So bright and thoughtful. He can be so clandestine about it then it comes out in bursts when we are talking about something that matters to him. Lately, it's been about politics. He posted an editorial on reddit comparing Rick Santorum to Muhammed Ackmedinijad (sp?) and it was effing brilliant.
I wish I felt better about where he and I are. I miss him. He went running the other day and didn't invite me. I did my best to hide my disappointment.
